A letter to Mas Selamat Kastari
Short Note:
Any characters depicted in this entry remain fictitious and their resemblance to any person in real life is purely coincidental, not intentional and should not be taken too seriously.
Credit goes to the photoshoppers over at Instant ORD for their wonderful works of “art”. Cheers!
I was on my way home earlier in the evening when I spotted a suspicious looking envelope amongst a pile of fliers.
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Feeling curious, I decided to pick it up. It turned out to be a letter addressed to Mas Selamat, the Singapore Jemaah Islamiyah (JI) leader on the run!
 Hmmm, who is Sayang? |
Since the envelope did not attach a stamp nor address, I opened the letter and peeped at it’s contents. Below is a transcript of what was written to Mas Selamat.
Hello Sayang,
It has been 5 days since you left me and climbed out of the window in Whitley Road Detention Centre, how have you been?
I’ve heard from other police officers that you are now the
most popularmost wanted man in Singapore, is that true?
They have also said that posters of your hamsen face could be seen in most public locations. On buses, MRT stations, food-courts, public toilets and outside lift landings.
What’s more, they have even resorted to putting you onto the wallpaper of 5.5 million mobile phone users!
Oh Sayang, what have you done? Didn’t you tell me you would come back after having your favorite nasi lemak and teh tarik at Jalan Besar? Why are you still missing?
Did something bad happen? Did you steal, rob, rape or kill somebody?
Sayang, please return and tell me all these rumors aren’t true. Can’t you explain to the police officers that you were merely tired of prison food and just wanted a nice supper break outside?
The Chief Police Officer of Whitley Road Detention Centre dropped by five minutes ago. He was ranting and hurling vulgarities at me, blaming me for your escape. He was also given a thorough tongue lashing by the Minister of Home Affairs for the security lapse and fears that his GST credits will be confiscated by the Government.
Government Ang Pow no more….Besides that, he also mentioned that the police received several tip offs from the general public, suggesting you might have disguised yourself to avoid detection.
Some spotted you dressed in a tudong and shopping at the nearby supermarket.
Others saw you docked in honey bunny costumes trying to make a quick buck off the streets of Geylang.
This report is even more absurd. There are rumors that you have unlocked your Sharingan and have already joined forces with the Akatsuki in Indonesia!
Sayang, I know all these are simply lies. You have told me before of your ambition to act in Zhang Yi Mou’s movies.
Now that you are out, you are just trying to link up with him so that he could cast you as the main lead to his blockbuster sequel, called “Hero II - I climbed out of the toilet window and I want my revenge”.
Oh hold on a minute, there seems to be some commotion at the corridor…
(mumbling mumbling…)
(mumbling mumbling…)
(mumbling ends…)
Okay, a lady officer just passed the toilet and this was what I heard. She said that in order to boost the morale of the soldiers involved in the hunt, the Government has offered an instant ORD as an incentive to any NSF personnel who nabs you dead or alive, OMG.
Wow Sayang, you are getting popular as I am writing this. Zhang Yi Mou might just notice you! Your efforts aren’t going into waste!
On a lighter note Sayang, wherever you are, whatever you do, just be careful and stay safe. My heart will always go out to you and I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Your favorite toilet bowl.
Whitley Road Detention Centre.
Awww… such a sweet message from Mas Selamat’s darling in Whitley Road Detention Centre.
If you have any clues/news as to where Mas might be, do not hesitate to give a call to the police. You might actually earn yourself an instant ORD from National Service.
